Forgiveness from the Mayo Clinic Staff

For this post, I want to share an article written by the Mayo Clinic Staff on “Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness.”  From clinical point of view this is good article on the subject; it harmonizes what the Bible is saying about forgiveness.

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

By Mayo Clinic staff

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance — but if you don’t practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• Less anxiety, stress and hostility
• Lower blood pressure
• Fewer symptoms of depression
• Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

When you’re hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you’re unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can’t enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you’re at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

• Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
• Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
• When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you
• Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

What happens if I can’t forgive someone?

Forgiveness can be challenging, especially if the person who’s hurt you doesn’t admit wrong or doesn’t speak of his or her sorrow. If you find yourself stuck, consider the situation from the other person’s point of view. Ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation. In addition, consider broadening your view of the world. Expect occasional imperfections from the people in your life. You might want to reflect on times you’ve hurt others and on those who’ve forgiven you. It can also be helpful to write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation — or talk with a person you’ve found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.

Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?

If the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness can lead to reconciliation. This isn’t always the case, however. Reconciliation might be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to communicate with you. In other cases, reconciliation might not be appropriate. Still, forgiveness is possible — even if reconciliation isn’t.

What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don’t want to?

If you haven’t reached a state of forgiveness, being near the person who hurt you might be tense and stressful. To handle these situations, remember that you can choose to attend or avoid specific functions and gatherings. Respect yourself and do what seems best. If you choose to attend, don’t be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings. Do your best to keep an open heart and mind. You might find that the experience helps you to move forward with forgiveness.

What if the person I’m forgiving doesn’t change?

Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn’t the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life.

What if I’m the one who needs forgiveness?

The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you’ve done and how those wrongs have affected others. At the same time, avoid judging yourself too harshly. You’re human, and you’ll make mistakes. If you’re truly sorry for something you’ve said or done, consider admitting it to those you’ve harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically ask for forgiveness — without making excuses. Remember, however, you can’t force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Whatever the outcome, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.

From http://www.mayoclinic.com/health-information

The Arithmetic of Forgiveness, Part 3

How are we to forgive others?  The apostle said in Ephesians 4:32, we have to forgive others as God in Christ forgave us (Eph. 4:32).

The different writers of the Bible under the inspiration of God the Holy Spirit used various metaphors or word pictures to graphically describe the extent of God’s forgiveness.

First of all, in Psalms 103:12 reads “as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”   The distance from the east is to the west is infinitely immeasurable.  The east and the west doesn’t converge in one point on the habitable planet earth.  The metaphor is showing us God has put our sins entirely away. They are so far removed that they cannot affect us any more. We are safe from all condemnation for our sins, as if they had not been committed at all.  The work of Christ on the Cross

Secondly, through the prophet Isaiah said of God, “For you have cast all my sins behind your back” (Isaiah 38:17).  If something is cast  behind one’s person back that person can’t see it anymore.  Likewise when God cast all our sins at his back means he can’t see anymore.  The phrase is expressive of the full forgiveness of sins, even of all sins.  The object of God’s love is the souls of his people; the instance of it is the delivery of them from the pit of corruption; the evidence of it is the pardon of their sins.

The prophet Micah said of God “he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea”  (Micah 7:19 KJV).  The ESV renders it “he will tread our iniquities underfoot.  You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.”  

In this verse Micah used two striking imagery expressing the completeness of God’s forgiveness.  God is pictured here as subduing and treading underfoot our iniquities.  Sin is an enemy to God and to us.  Sin is too strong and mighty for us; it reigns over us in a state of nature; we are under the power of it, and we cannot get rid of it, its influence, guilt, and punishment.  Christ has conquered it, made an end of it, and took it away; God tramples upon it,  as a conqueror does upon the necks of his enemies; it is subdued by him, and is under his feet; which he treats with contempt, disdains to look upon, keeps it under, so that it shall never rise again to the our condemnation.   Sin is conquered and held under restraints by the efficacious grace of God.  What a beautiful picture of the grace of pardon that God has effected to us in Christ when He sent to die in our place.

 During World War II, the USS Arizona was burned and sunk during the attack by the Japanese Imperial Army on Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941.  With it 1,102 of the 1,177 sailors were killed and sunk and lost in the bottom of the sea; they no longer to be found as they were eaten by sea creatures.  So it is with our sins.

When the prophet Micah had said that God cast all our sins into the depths of sea; he meant that our sins are lost forever, never to be found, never to be recovered, never to be held against us.   God is in effect he has put a floating sign which states “Fishing is forbidden here.”  We are neither to want to look and fish for our sins and the sins of others because they are lost forever.  Do you see that regardless of how “bad” we’ve been many times and we committed the same sin, that God completely and freely forgiven us because of Christ?  Believe God on his promise: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

(To be continued)

The Arithmetic of Forgiveness, Part 2

We have seen in Part 1 of this post, that there are indeed remaining places on planet earth with Shangri-La  and Eden-like descriptions–where pristine beauty still exists, exhibiting a heavenly atmosphere that is peaceful, pure, clean, fresh, unspoiled, uncorrupted and unpolluted;  a remote and exotic utopia; a faraway haven or hideaway of idyllic beauty and tranquility.  But the mythical Florida Shangri-La “Beluthahatchee” where all unpleasantness is forgiven and forgotten never exist.

We have seen also that the inclination of man’s heart is to exact revenge to the offense s/he received from others.  That they are implacable people, like the native American Indians, who are unwilling to be reconciled where there is a quarrel; or who pursue the offender with unyielding revenge at all cost.

Whenever we hold grudges and not willing to forgive our offenders, we live a life of misery and unhappiness.  We are experiencing a double-edged sword-like existence of guilt and bitterness.  Guilt imprisons us and bitterness poisons us.  But when we learn to forgive others we are freeing two prisoners; one of them is you.

We left off where Paul says we are to forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven us.  We are to forgive others exactly the same manner we are forgiven by God.  How God in Christ forgiven us of our sins?  Here then is the arithmetic–the mathematical equation, addition and summation–of God’s forgiveness.

The Bible authors writing in the inspiration of God used metaphors or word pictures to vividly describe how God in Christ has forgiven us.  We are to look then to these pictorial expressions to understand the extent of God’s forgiveness.

Psalms 103:12 reads “as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”  How far is the east from the west?  Notice the psalmist didn’t say “as far as the north is from the south, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”  If you start due north at any point on earth, you would eventually cross over the North Pole and start going south, but that is not true when you go east or west.  If you start west and continue in that direction you will always be going west.  North and south meet at the North Pole, but east and west never meet.  In a sense, they are an infinite distance apart.  So when God says He removes our transgression from us as far as the east is from the west, He is saying they have been removed an infinite distance from us.

North Pole and South Pole

This metaphorical expression describes the extent of God’s forgiveness of our sins—total, complete and unconditional.  God is not keeping score, or a record, or a journal with regard to our sins.  He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities (Psalm 103:10).  How can He so completely regard our transgression as to say He removes them an infinite distance from us?  The answer is by His grace through Jesus Christ.  Grace is defined as God’s Riches at Christ’s Expense.  Mercy is not receiving what we deserved for our sins which is death, the wages we earned by our sins.  Grace on the one hand is receiving what we do not deserved.  We do not deserved God’s love and forgiveness.  Yet because of the grace of God we were forgiven for our sins and had been reconciled to all because of Christ’s death on the cross.  Romans 5:10 says “For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.” So the GRACE FACTOR is a compelling reason why we are to forgive others of the wrong done to us.

Through the prophet Isaiah said of God, “For you have cast all my sins behind your back” (Isaiah 38:17). This is another pictorial expression to describe the extent of God’s forgiveness of our sins. When something is behind our back, it is out of sight.  We can’t see it anymore.  God says He has done that with our sins.  We know we sin daily—in fact, many times a day.  Whenever we sin in the Christian life and go to God for his forgiveness, He always forgives us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
And God no longer “sees” our sins, instead He “sees” the righteousness of Christ, which He has already imputed to us.  And note that our sins do not just happen to be behind God’s back, He has put them there.  He do this and still be a just and holy God?  Again, the answer is that Jesus Christ paid the penalty we should have paid.   A classic hymn aptly put it:  “What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.”

(To be continued)

The Arithmetic of Forgiveness, Part 1

Have you heard about the place Beluthahatchee?  “When a woman accusingly reminds her man of something in the past, he replies, ‘I thought that was in Beluthahatchee.’ Or a person may say to another, to dismiss some matter, “Oh, that’s in Beluthahatchee.” “Beluthahatchee” as defined by noted author Zora Neale Hurston (1891-1960) is a mythical “Florida Shangri-la, where all unpleasantness is forgiven and forgotten.”

     

Indeed there are places on this planet earth like Shangri-La in its beauty.  It’s like the Garden of Eden, with pristine beauty, remote and exotic utopia; a faraway haven or hideaway of idyllic beauty and tranquility.  However, there is no place like Beluthahatcee, where all unpleasantness is forgiven and forgotten.  Because when people start to inhabit “Shangri-La” sooner or later problems arises in their interpersonal relationships with each other.

People in a place like Shangri-La would start exhibiting the characteristics described by the apostle Paul in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NKJV): But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!”

The apostle Paul enumerated 19 ugly descriptions of people living in the last days.  Though these characteristics are cataloged under the auspices of a prediction about “the last days,” it is clear that Paul considered them to be already present then in Ephesus, and for that matter present in any age or epoch of human history.

Unforgiving (aspondoi) means the state of a lack of forgiveness.  They are those who are unwilling to be reconciled to others when there is a variance – implacable.  Implacable – This word properly denotes those who will not be reconciled where there is a quarrel; or who pursue the offender with unyielding revenge. It denotes an unforgiving temper or spirit.

For example: The North American Indians have given the most striking manifestation of this that the world has known. It is well known that among them, neither time nor distance will obliterate the memory of an offense; and that the avenger will pursue the offender over hills and streams, and through heat or snow, happy if he may at last, though at the expiration of years, bury the tomahawk in the head of his victim, though it it may be at the expense of his own life.

Four of the many Indian tribes. (If you are interested to know more about the various tribes of Native Americans, go to http://www.facts-about.org.uk/tribes-native-americans/index.htm.)

     

In the Philippines, there is saying in Tagalog language “Lintik lang ang walang ganti!”  It means it is only the lightning that you can’t exact revenge.  Filipinos has a tendency to exact revenge at all costs to the one who has done them wrong.  More of an eye for an eye, or a tooth for a tooth mentality.  Among the Filipino people there is a natural dislike and animosity between the different groups of people in Luzon, Visayas, and those in Mindanao.  There is also blood feud–a bitter, continuous hostility, especially between the tribes, between clans, between two families, etc., often lasting for many years or generations.

It is interesting that the apostle made mentioned of UNFORGIVING as the 10^th ugly description that characterizes people in the end time.  The number ten signifies judgment.  So we are being judge already guilty if we have an unforgiving spirit.

If we have an unforgiving spirit toward a person who wronged us as if we have handcuffed ourselves with that person.  That person is always with us inseparably like a Siamese twins.  Whenever we sleep, the person sleeps with us.  Wherever we go that person tags along.  Whenever we rehash or recount the offense done us, we don’t hurt the one who is guilty, but we hurt ourselves all the more.

Pastor Adrian Rogers said in his online sermon: “There are two problems that do great psychological, emotional, and spiritual damage on us: one is guilt; the other is bitterness. Guilt imprisons us; bitterness poisons us. Forgiveness is the answer both. Forgiveness sets the prisoner free. When you truly forgive from your heart, you set two prisoners free; one of them is you.”

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~ Lewis B. Smedes

So the only way to be set free from the shackles and handcuffs that bind us together with the person who wronged us is to forgive him.  Life is too short to spend it in misery because we are holding onto grudges.

The apostle Paul gives us a compelling reason we are to forgive others.  He wrote in Ephesians 4:32:  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Paul says we are to forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven us.  We are to forgive others exactly the same manner we are forgiven by God.  How God in Christ forgiven us of our sins?  Here then is the arithmetic–the mathematical equation, addition and summation–of God’s forgiveness.

(To be continued)